Also a bad idea: listening to The Last Five Years
Triply bad: listening to "Nobody Needs To Know" for the first time in probably a year and a half. I've refused to listen to it for such a long time-- I'd make people skip it if we were listening to it in the car. I feel like my bones go cold and it always makes me cry. It just... hurts
to hear. It hurts like I hurt a couple years ago. (Was it almost two now? Sometimes it doesn't seem that long.)
The way he talks about going into "battle" with Cathy and that he has to put on his armor and the way he talks about how she invades him when he just needs a little space... and the lengths he goes to so he can get away from her need to be near him... it's just too familiar. That Cathy loves him so much and so close that she drives him away and she can't understand how it failed... it's just so familiar
. And then the repetition from "Shiksa Goddess" at the end of the song, using almost the same words to Elise that he used to Cathy when he first met her... God.
That Jamie's success hurts Cathy and that she hates that it does, that he is constantly leaving her behind because he can't see that it hurts her... his desperation to have a career and reach his own potential... his inability to see why she can't do the same... her jealousy and frustration, his apathy... and through it all they still try so hard to love each other. It's just Jamie that gives up first.
Now we all see why this musical is important to me, I guess.
Not a good day to brave that fear-- what was I even thinking?
This show is going to be so hard if we end up doing it. It's going to be so amazing, but so difficult. I'm going to have to revisit a lot of old hurts. ( Nobody Needs To Know.Collapse )